The Weekly Woodshed

What an exciting week in Fake Football.  Only oneplayer remains undefeated in ALJBS, someone’s going down for this INDEED!  Atop the fantasy heap we have Justin Gonorrhea and his Potato Salad.  In a boys state first, everyone can’t wait to DROP SALAD.  Who will it be? I have no idea.  Call it conjecture but I just don’t think Words are like Bullets will get it done. 

Perhaps I’ll have to eat those words, or perhaps Peene should just spare himself a 1-12 season and eat a bullet reminiscent of his words.  Who can say at this point?

What I can say is that Prober finished this week 3 hours and 4 points behind his season best of 66.  Continuing last year’s tradition of basement dwelling for the first half of the season and then trying to ruin the playoffs for everybody else in the second half. What do I mean by that?  Wait and See. Perhaps he’ll be able to make his bones against Peene or Daddy’s Love Children in the upcoming weeks.

Much like you whenever anyone mentions a godawful performance, I think of Anthony Genovese, a man who uses his full name in the “owner” slot, even though this is a by-invitation-only league and everybody knows who he is, unlike his many children.  In a staggering 25 point improvement off his best day, Anfernknee managed to claw girlishly at fellow fantasy fuckup, James Reinhart.  How one man can be so good at life, and so bad at this, we may never know.

Around the league, comeuppances were had by many.  The Director, Monsieur Bagatelle, was indeed brought the game he requested earlier in the week by the Gentile Giant, Andy Boy Robertson.  It appears as if his men are indeed on the Hunt for a Major Title, understand full well, men, understand full well. It was a rather unexpected asswhooping (the best one’s always are) and for posterity’s sake I’d like to mention that Boy was not even on Dave’s radar as a possible competitor as evidenced in this quote below:

“Just wondering if anyone is planning on giving me a game this year….Dom, Migs, Poppa Shane….anyone?!?”

I guess he’ll just have to cry himself to sleep tonight in his giant house that’s worth more than the collective income of the entire league.

Johnathan “Damon” Miggaleddi, finally managed to find the Winner’s circle this week.  No thanks to a WR on his bench who earned 40 useless, useless points.  Good thing you weren’t facing Dom, he uses 40 point backs as tie-breakers.  Of course he uses 40 thread count sheets as ties, with that fat neck of his but what can you do?  Speaking of ShoulderNeck Santillo, he’ll be picking on someone his own size this week, after proving that lil’ Peene is not the Giantkiller he was last year in a 40 point route over Bilbo Braggins.

Last but not least we had, Eaton Carpet, Inc. hitting the floorboards a little too hard this week in a surprise loss to Jeremy Minarcik’s the Soft Target (must be named after his wife’s throat; we all know ole’ Jeremy’s got a temper, he did burn down the SAM house after all).  Enjoy it Jeremy, I don’t see a lot of W’s in your future.  If Wins were Children, Anthony and Jeremy would be in the Superbowl EVERY YEAR.

Until next week, provided I win, I’m Chris McDevitt, Now Get Out Of My Woodshed.