Potato Salad pulled in another ignoble victory this week with double digit performances from the RB Stud of the Week Josepha Addai, and THEIR Place Kicker, Gostkowski. The Full Regalia failed to beat the meager 67 points put up by their opponent, thanks in large part to two failings, one glaring the other forgivable. Starting Desmond Clark over Owen Daniels, okay, I can let that slide, even if Clark is facing the Bears, they haven’t been themselves lately, I understand. But fielding the team defense that’s facing the Patriots? Are you serious? Are you? Really? Have you been paying attention at all this year? My nigga Brady, threw for three and rushed for two. He pulled an Angry Daunte Culpepper on your Miamintelligence ass. You touched him once, you got a fumble, good for you, if not you’d have been -4. Do you want to win, Dominic? Even Jeremy won this week. Let’s not mention, starting Chester Taylor instead of picking up any available running back out there who was going to get more than 2 points this week. Enough about Dom and him allowing Justin’s “Rancid Potato Salad” continue to 7-1, let’s look at the other 7-1 team game this week.
Andy-Boy Robertson’s Major Hunters put a damper on Prober’s Never Called it a Comeback 82 point effort to get out of the Fantasy basement despite a Herculean 22 point effort by the Chargers team defense. Consistency is the name of the game for Andy. This matchup did nothing to quell the rumor that Fantasy Football games are being predetermined tallest to shortest.
Likewise in the ALJBSFFL we saw The Hustlers pound on the Words are Like Bullets/Stairs are like Mountains team for a 5th straight defeat of the Little Engine that could Breathe Heavy and that’s about it. At this point it’s Tom Brady vs. Everybody else. Ahman Green didn’t even bother to play. God do the Hustlers suck at Running Back. Is Byron still available, perhaps they should pick him up off waivers?
Sunday was not a Funday for Miggs who fell to 3-5 with a depressing 56-65 loss to the Director. It’s okay though Miggs, with a winning score of 65, I think it’s fair to say you were both losers on Sunday, Bags just took first place. 5 out of 12 teams didn’t break 70 points this week. How do you people sleep at night (aside from the Footie Pajamas, Peene)?
The Soft Target racked up it’s second win this year, bringing the list of people who should seriously consider cutting off the first joint of their pinky to redeem themselves in the eyes of their ancestors to two. Shane, James. Chop Chop.
And lastly the Pope of Sandwich Village layeth down some ground rules for Daddy’s Love Children. Namely, thou shalt be thanked for playing and sent on thy way. The Commissioner is back at .500 both in Wins, Losses, and Percentage Filipino.
Until Next Week, Something Witty!
Oh Happy Day! Oh Happy Day, Potato Salad has finally lost to All Present and/or Accounted for, as they should have lost to 80% of the league last week. Potato Salad now finds itself tied with the upwardly mobile Major Title Hunters, (themselves on a 5 game winning streak) and showing no signs of stopping against the 2-5 Don’t Call Em At All’s in Week 8.
Can Justin Defeat Dom’s Full Regalia? Only time will tell. I have no predictions, but this is the match to watch this week. A Santillo Victory will tie the two teams and allow Boy a one game lead going into the home stretch of the season.
It’s crunch time, people, we’re over the hump.
Around the league this week, The Hustlers pulled a victory out over the worst team in the league despite them posting a 2nd place season high of 79 points. Who hasn’t beaten Jeremy? Seriously. Raise your hand. Whoever that one team is that lost to Jeremy raise your hand. Now slap yourself in the face. Feel better? I do.
The Hustlers are heading into a Week 8 match with their historical whipping boy, Ryan J.usthappytobeplaying Peene. Peene has not been able to defeat the Hustlers in 4 straight matchups, and does not look to pull it off this week as Words are like Bullets’ experiences a massive Bye Week benching McGahee, D.Bowe, Nick Folk, The Seahawks AND the Cowboys Defense, as well as overtime player Julius “Seizure” Jones.
Speaking of Bye Weeks, in a rare occurence either a Minarcik or a Reinhart is GUARANTEED a victory this week. One of these basement teams will find themselves at either 2 and 6 or a MIND NUMBING 3-5. I’m practically tingling with excitement. No, wait, I just got a text message. Nevermind. That wasn’t excitement. It was “vibrate”.
Will you tune in this week to the And/Ors vs. The Comfortable Weapons as they battle for mediocrity? One of these teams will leave the week at .500, the other at a decimal point to complicated for any but former GM Eppy to understand. This reporter is rooting for Miggs, solely because the erstwhile GM was shrewd enough to pick up on waivers, every player I offered him in trade, that he declined. Show some pity, Dave. Last year’s second place is this year’s seventh. Let a brother eat!
And lastly Daddy’s Love Children vs. Eaton Carpet, Inc. Yet another fallen mighty facing a dime-store Dick Gregory. Shane will probably scrape some sort of victory out here, the way Anthony’s ladies scrape out… well you get the idea. Either way, look for Shane to mount his final stretch tiki-hut-putsch, and for Genovese to return to the “crime” and “secret” family he’s built for himself.
We believe your in L.A. as much as we believe Peene can drive without pedal extenders.
Until next week, F-You San Diego.
If I had to describe this past week’s fantasy football in two words, I’d choose Shit tay. Hey Tom Brady way to score 4 points less than the REST of the Hustlers combined. We get it, you can throw the ball, howsabout not throwing it to our opponent’s last remaining receiver. Show some fucking loyalty, huh? It’s like you think your playing this game to win for the Patriots and not Christopher Michael McDevitt of Phillipsburg, NJ. Well you’re not, so smarten up.
Frankly at this point all I feel is shame, not just for myself, but for the rest of the league. It’s not that I’m angry that Justin will be getting the $20 bucks for the 3rd time out of 4 weeks, it’s that he’s doing so with a 90. Potato Salad scored 90 points this week. 106 the first week, 120 the second, 106 the third week, to 90.
90 Points should NOT be the high score in a given week. Ever. I’m ashamed of all of you, even Justin. Especially because he’s just going to take that $60 and gain it’s equivalent in pounds, (and I’m not talking about exchanging it for British currency).
This week was just dreadful. Andy (3-1) Robertson’s Major Hunters put a 34 point whooping on the Comfortable Assaulters, the fantasy equivalent of the actual damage done to Miggs QB Core this week. Sticks and Stones may break their bones but a soft wind is going end the careers of Alex Smith and Marc Bulger. If Bulger’s Insurance plan offers a keeper league he should draft his “wellbeing” right now, because that’s the only way he’s holding on to it.
There may only be two parties here in ALJBSFFL, but there’s currently 4 tiers. Potato Salad sits atop the food pyramid (much like it does at Daly West) all alone, supported on the backs of Shane, Dom and Andy (Much like they do at Daly West), Followed by the 500 club (we ain’t fundraising for Jesus): All Accountants, Daddy’s Lil Disappointments, and Thomson’s 75 Dollar Hustleds.
That little funclub will be splitting up this week as two members go face-to-face and chin-to-chins in a knockdown dragout, shame your marquee QB and RB are on their bye-week-battle-royale-with-cheese. Seriously, if the Hustlers drop week 5 to Bagatelle, I’ll set the Woodshed on fire myself. Both teams are looking to decrease their shit-sucked-through-a-straw numbers after starting 2-0 and going 0-2 the past weeks.
Here’s another question for you, how does a man (Shane) have so many Fantasy Rings, and yet barely ever break 90 points? Is it an early schedule of shitty teams or does Half-Irish luck just put him one or two yards past whatever Genovese/Reinhart concoction he’s defeating that week? Seriously, as your perusing the records, it might be interesting to see how many times Eaton Carpet faced the Goat of the Week. 83-45 INDEED!
This year’s true wildcard, Don’t Call it A, Why do you Have To Call it Anything? dumped on Dave’s Presenters 82-64. Now they’re facing Daddy’s Love Children this week. It’s really anybody’s game to lose. Who is going to start a bye week player? I’m looking at you Anthony. I can’t believe Daddy’s Love Children are 2 and 2, but hey when you get Jeremy early in the year anything can happen. Let’s hope he makes better decisions raising children than he does fielding teams. 48 points, Minarcik? 48 points? Are we talking about My Driver’s License or your TEAM? Did you pick Reinhart as a Proxy? How can you score 48 pts? You had 26 defensive points on your bench. ARGH! I have no more to say to you.
Predictions:
OTHFAMT Vs. TST -I see no problems for The Major Hunters to steam roll right through The Soft Target this week.
Corzine Express vs. Words are like Bullets? I gotta go Words are like Bullets here, solely for the fact that the Bullets Bench isn’t made up completely of rookies who aren’t even playing (and Vince Young).
DLC Vs. Don’T Call it a Prober– I gotta believe that Prober’s skill at picking other people’s teams will some how morph itself into a victory over Anthony. I’ve been wrong before though.
AWACW vs. DOM - I think Miggs can put up his second victory of the year up on this 4-1 traveling beast, especially if McNabb throws every TD pass to Kevin Curtis.
PS..NS vs. ECI - You can never ever ever count out ECI. They bring bad luck with them where ever they go. I think Shane might actually have Kunal’s shrunken head in his pocket or something. PS…NS has the talent and the history, but Shane’s got the HOODOO. I go Shane, even if he has to have Mr. Fuji come out and hit Potato Salad’s players in the heads with a Ring Bell individually.
75DH vs. APA/OAF - You’re going down, Dave. Cuz if I drop below .500, NO MORE WOODSHED.
