If I had to describe this past week’s fantasy football in two words, I’d choose Shit tay. Hey Tom Brady way to score 4 points less than the REST of the Hustlers combined. We get it, you can throw the ball, howsabout not throwing it to our opponent’s last remaining receiver. Show some fucking loyalty, huh? It’s like you think your playing this game to win for the Patriots and not Christopher Michael McDevitt of Phillipsburg, NJ. Well you’re not, so smarten up.
Frankly at this point all I feel is shame, not just for myself, but for the rest of the league. It’s not that I’m angry that Justin will be getting the $20 bucks for the 3rd time out of 4 weeks, it’s that he’s doing so with a 90. Potato Salad scored 90 points this week. 106 the first week, 120 the second, 106 the third week, to 90.
90 Points should NOT be the high score in a given week. Ever. I’m ashamed of all of you, even Justin. Especially because he’s just going to take that $60 and gain it’s equivalent in pounds, (and I’m not talking about exchanging it for British currency).
This week was just dreadful. Andy (3-1) Robertson’s Major Hunters put a 34 point whooping on the Comfortable Assaulters, the fantasy equivalent of the actual damage done to Miggs QB Core this week. Sticks and Stones may break their bones but a soft wind is going end the careers of Alex Smith and Marc Bulger. If Bulger’s Insurance plan offers a keeper league he should draft his “wellbeing” right now, because that’s the only way he’s holding on to it.
There may only be two parties here in ALJBSFFL, but there’s currently 4 tiers. Potato Salad sits atop the food pyramid (much like it does at Daly West) all alone, supported on the backs of Shane, Dom and Andy (Much like they do at Daly West), Followed by the 500 club (we ain’t fundraising for Jesus): All Accountants, Daddy’s Lil Disappointments, and Thomson’s 75 Dollar Hustleds.
That little funclub will be splitting up this week as two members go face-to-face and chin-to-chins in a knockdown dragout, shame your marquee QB and RB are on their bye-week-battle-royale-with-cheese. Seriously, if the Hustlers drop week 5 to Bagatelle, I’ll set the Woodshed on fire myself. Both teams are looking to decrease their shit-sucked-through-a-straw numbers after starting 2-0 and going 0-2 the past weeks.
Here’s another question for you, how does a man (Shane) have so many Fantasy Rings, and yet barely ever break 90 points? Is it an early schedule of shitty teams or does Half-Irish luck just put him one or two yards past whatever Genovese/Reinhart concoction he’s defeating that week? Seriously, as your perusing the records, it might be interesting to see how many times Eaton Carpet faced the Goat of the Week. 83-45 INDEED!
This year’s true wildcard, Don’t Call it A, Why do you Have To Call it Anything? dumped on Dave’s Presenters 82-64. Now they’re facing Daddy’s Love Children this week. It’s really anybody’s game to lose. Who is going to start a bye week player? I’m looking at you Anthony. I can’t believe Daddy’s Love Children are 2 and 2, but hey when you get Jeremy early in the year anything can happen. Let’s hope he makes better decisions raising children than he does fielding teams. 48 points, Minarcik? 48 points? Are we talking about My Driver’s License or your TEAM? Did you pick Reinhart as a Proxy? How can you score 48 pts? You had 26 defensive points on your bench. ARGH! I have no more to say to you.
Predictions:
OTHFAMT Vs. TST -I see no problems for The Major Hunters to steam roll right through The Soft Target this week.
Corzine Express vs. Words are like Bullets? I gotta go Words are like Bullets here, solely for the fact that the Bullets Bench isn’t made up completely of rookies who aren’t even playing (and Vince Young).
DLC Vs. Don’T Call it a Prober– I gotta believe that Prober’s skill at picking other people’s teams will some how morph itself into a victory over Anthony. I’ve been wrong before though.
AWACW vs. DOM - I think Miggs can put up his second victory of the year up on this 4-1 traveling beast, especially if McNabb throws every TD pass to Kevin Curtis.
PS..NS vs. ECI - You can never ever ever count out ECI. They bring bad luck with them where ever they go. I think Shane might actually have Kunal’s shrunken head in his pocket or something. PS…NS has the talent and the history, but Shane’s got the HOODOO. I go Shane, even if he has to have Mr. Fuji come out and hit Potato Salad’s players in the heads with a Ring Bell individually.
75DH vs. APA/OAF - You’re going down, Dave. Cuz if I drop below .500, NO MORE WOODSHED.
