It’s Crunch Time, gentleman. By the time a few of you read this the trade deadline will probably have passed. You will no longer be able to piss away stud receivers for Fanball’s DUMP of the WEEK. Hoorah. Things are definitely heating up around the league.
Eaton Carpet eked out a two point victory over last year’s 1st loser, Assault with a Comfortable Weapon, dropping the erstwhile contender to 3-6. Eaton, propped up by their midseason-changing-of-the-icon superstition had this to say, “Don’t bring a Limp Wrist to a Slap Fight.”
Speaking of Slap Fights, The Dolla Dolla Hustlers laid it onto the Corzine Express like it was Reinharts first night in Prison, defeating the 2 and 7 Express by 101%. Maybe 201%, this reporter is REALLY bad at math. The Corzine Express will at least have company at the “Dump” in week 10 when The Major Title Hunter Chopper Full WElls beat the hell out of the Tom Brady/Earnest Graham/Galloway/Green-less Hustlers. In fact it looks like it’ll be another freebie week for the league’s other dominant team, Potato Salad.
The Salad Suckers will be pouring something salad or potato related all over The Soft Target with a .773 chance of victory. The ultimate Karma/Irony would be a Stomping in the favor of one Mr. Minarcik. Somebody has to teach Potato Salad a lesson, and so far, those somebodys have all come from teams with no hope of a play off berth, and nothing says full of spunk like Jeremy’s team fresh off a win over Prober’s wake-up call to stop drafting for everyone else. You know what else is full of spunk, don’t you, Jeremy? Cross your fingers and pucker your point-holes. This is the game to watch. Why, because you just saw that sentiment in print, and everything in print is true. Chris McDevitt has a huge penis, tattoo of Maurice Chevalier on his back, debt piled up on his credit cards.
The Hustlers weren’t the only team doubling their opponents score and then some, the lil fellas of funk, Words are like Bullets managed to drive the One Ring all the way to Mor-score with 133 combined points.Had he played Jamal Lewis in place of WhatyoutalkinboutWillis McGahee, he’d have been THE ALJBS all time high scorer. If you want this reporter’s advice, I’d send Adrian Peterson a large bouquet of white women if you want even a fraction of those numbers this week. In fact, just for fun, I’ll lay this out there. If you beat Miggs this week, not only will all short/hobbit jokes be banished from the upcoming woodshed, I will refer to you as AllDay Peenerson at least three times. Whaddya say?
Yes, Virjesus I do believe in Miracles. Dom’s Full Regalia put the Viagra-soaked AccountedFours into near cardiac arrest with a 40 point Monday Night rally that saw Ben Roethlisberger throw 5 touchdown passes for over 200 yards, leave injured, and come back. I can’t help but think it karma for the smack Dave talked on Roethlisberger when this reporter first drafted him years ago. The and/or’s GM, Dave Brag-atelle, was quick to point out that 5 Fantasy Touchdowns had nothing 6 Reality Figure paychecks. Touche.
Lastly, Potato Salad won again. 70 points of their 95 point victory made up by former Hustlers. You’re going down like Gas Prices in Hell, Justin. Maybe not today, probably not next week,but definitely in weeks 11 or 12, and then hopefully again in week 14 or 15. Down I say like the winter jacket of the people that Dog the Bounty Hunter disparages. Down down down. Like the 311 song played continuosly on 94.1 since the rock came back. DOWN I SAY!
Factotum for Week 9:
Jeremy had two less points on his bench then he did on his field. His bench would have beat Prober.
